having faith

I am not asleep. I am writing this post at the same time as my last post because I have more to get down and out of my brain so maybe I can sleep.
Here it is.

God wants me to have these babies.
I am 100 percent certain of that, even though it might sound goofy.

Mormons are pretty set on the belief that if you pray about something God will help you figure out what to do.
We are also pretty set on the belief that having a strong and happy family is the most important thing you can do on earth.
When I was a teenager my mom said "Never pray and ask if you should have more kids. God will always say yes."
Which was funny to me.
It seems less funny now. Or maybe I mean more funny?

Travis and I had several long talks before I got pregnant, while we tried to decide what to do.
We decided that we wouldn't try not to have a baby, or not to not have a baby.
We took the Proclamation to the World to heart though, and decided we'd just let God lead the way.
And since it takes most couples who are trying at least a few months, but often upwards of a year we figured that we had a while before anything big happened (since we weren't even trying, really)
A week later I was pregnant.
Seriously. A week.
We are a fertile couple, I suppose.
(Is this too much info? Too bad. You are too blame for reading this.)

Not only was I pregnant a week later, but I also am having twins.
So double extra fertile.
Which is really lucky. We've been seriously blessed, especially since we know so many people who can't have kids or who had huge difficulties to overcome while having kids.
So far so good for us.
So far, making babies has been a breeze.

If you gathered from my last post that I am freaking out a little (or a lot), let me just say.
I know this is okay.
I know this is what is supposed to be happening.
My good friend sent me a really sweet email after she found out and it started with this quote from Jeffery R. Holland, who is a leader in the Mormon church:

"I have just two things to say to you who are troubled about the future. I say them lovingly and from my heart.

First, we must never let fear and the father of fear (Satan himself) divert us from our faith and faithful living. Every person in every era has had to walk by faith into what has always been some uncertainty. This is the plan. Just be faithful. God is in charge. He knows your name and He knows your need.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—that is the first principle of the gospel. We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities.

God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe."

Then my friend said,
"I love this because it makes some hard things simple. and it reminds me that when i exercise real faith, there is only optimism and joy. this part of our life is going to be crazy and hard hard hard. But I love that elder holland reminds us to not fear, but to take an active part in our challenges and embrace whole heartedly. If I would dare to give anyone advice as such a brand new parent myself, i would say that what has kept me sane when i feel so insane is finding the good, amazing part of a situation, however small it may seem initially, and just holding on as tight as you can."

This is good. This is what I need.
I really, truly am so unbelievably grateful that Heavenly Father is trusting me with TWO babies.
And I know that if he thinks I can do this, then I can.
And I will.
And I am going to practice not being scared, but being faithful.
And not being scared is much easier when you have such a good husband as I do.
He is the absolute perfect husband to have in situations like this.

Sorry for all you ladies who have to have twins (or any babies at all) without Travis as your husband. You are missing out, and I am the one who is so lucky to have three perfect boys in her life.
Two of whom are babies.
One of whom is my awesome husband.
And also, I have pretty awesome friends. As evidenced by the email above.