Conversations with Two-Year Olds

Sometimes I can bribe them with candy into taking cute pictures. 

Micah has started singing everything. For example, just now, Grey said, "Go away," and Micah sang "I not going away. No, no, no going away."
And Travis said, "Give me a kiss before I leave for work," and Micah sang, "Kisses for Daddy before wooooork!"
A few days ago, we went to get their haircut from our friend Tabby and Micah sang the whole way there: Tabby, Tabby, Taaaaaabbyyyyyyy, Tabby!
When I laughed and said, "Are you excited to go to Tabby's?" he snapped, "Don't say Tabby. I'm singing Tabby!"

The boys have also invented a new form of the game "hide and seek." I think their version is bound to be a classic. First, they fill the whole living room with all our pillows, blankets, and cushions. Then they take turns burying each other in said pile. Then, the person who is not buried stands over the buried person and counts to ten. Then yells, "Ready or not, here I come!"
They wander around, pretending that they don't know where their brother is, while the boy who is covered in blankets giggles and  tried to peek at him without coming out. Then he jumps out and yells, "Here I am!" and his brother yells, "I found you!"
And then they trade places and do it again.

Both boys are also currently obsessed with who does and who does not have penises. I've only included one of those conversational gems for you, because the majority of the "penis talk" that happens non-stop at our house consists of the boys listing off every one they know, and me saying "Yes. They are a boy, so they have a penis," or "No, she is a girl, she does not have a penis."
And frankly, reading a list of whose genitals we've discussed recently might make you uncomfortable.

But yes. Here are some other awesome things they've said in the last week:

Me: Okay, what do you want to eat? Eggs, pancakes, French toast?
Micah: NO! I want poop!
Me: You want poop? To eat?
Micah: Yes! Poop food!

Travis: What a smarty-pants!
Micah: You have pants, too! They're right here.

Travis: Look, Micah gave you the monster truck!
Grey: I not like it. I don't like things.
Travis: You don't? What do you like?
Grey: I like spinning with Daddy.
Travis: And do you like Mommy?
Grey: No. I only like Daddy.
Micah: Grey, you DO like Mommy.
Travis: Do you like Micah?
Grey: No, Dad. I only like you.
Micah: You don't like me, Grey? I like you! You DO like me!
Grey: I like Daddy and candy and juice.
Travis: Do you like presents?
Grey: NO! I NOT LIKE PRESENTS!
Micah: I like presents, please.

Micah: Hey mom. What do you have for me?
Me: I didn't get you something. Why do you think I bought you something?
Micah: 'Cause you love me!

Me: Be quiet in there, it's bedtime!
Grey: Hey, Mom? Who you talking to?
Me: I'm talking to you! Be quiet!
Grey: WHAT?! Why I need to be quiet? I not sleeping, yet!

Grey: Mine NEW mom has a gun!

Travis: Whoa! That kid just wiped out and laughed. Our kids would never laugh at that.
Micah: Yeah, Dad! He's like, "HA HA HA!"

Me: Good morning, boys! What are you guys watching?
Micah: Hey mom. You look like a boy today.

Micah: Dinosaur is eating dinner really well!
Me: Are you eating your dinner really well?
Micah: Actually, no. I not. But Dinosaur ate all my rice.

Me: Hey, that is your last cookie.
Micah: Oh, dear!

(A note: They call my brother Jack and Apple Jacks both "Uncle Jack," they call my sister Mary "Aunt Moony.)
Grey: I need Uncle Jack.
Me: The cereal or the person?
Grey: Uncle Jack the person!
Me: He's at his own house, maybe we can Skype him later.
Micah: Do you need Uncle Katie?
Grey: No, I need Uncle Jack!
Micah: You want Uncle Grandpa?
Grey: No!
Micah: You need Uncle Mike and Moony?
Grey: Yes, I need Moony! I need Moony and Uncle Jack!

**Grey comes into the bathroom while I'm in there**
Grey: Point your penis down, Mom.
Me: Thanks honey. But I don't have a penis because I'm a girl. Only boys have penises.
Grey: WHAT?! Where is it? SHOW ME.

Me: Grey, get into your seat or you'll get a spanking!
Micah: You'd spank my friend?
Me: Yes, if he can't be a good listener, Grey will get a spanking.
Micah: No way, Mom! NO! Nobody spanks my friend!

**Grey points to a large Polynesian man at Costco. **
Grey: Is that my brother?
Me: No. Do you think he is your brother?
Grey: Yes. That is my brother Micah.

Me: When Baby Brother comes he will sleep in Mom's room at night, and play with you during the day. You'll have to share all your toys with him.
Micah: Sounds good, Mom.
Grey: Okay. I like babies.
Me: Good! Thank you!
Grey: Micah likes babies, too!
Me: Oh, really? Do you like babies Micah?
Micah: I like babies, 'cause they help me.
Me: What do babies help you do?
Micah: Build Lego houses.
Me: That sounds fun! But Baby brother will be really little. He won't be able to do anything like build Legos for a long time.
Micah: I'll just hold him baby.
Grey: I will hold Baby, too! I hold him all day.
Micah: I can hold him, 'cause I'm a big boy. I even have a gun.

**Grey lets out a huge, pretend farting noise**
Grey: Wow! That was a puppy tooting!
Me: We don't have a puppy.
Grey: Hmm. I don't know. Was it you farting, Mom?

Grey: You are sad.
Micah: I'm not sad, I feel happy!
Grey: No. You are sad. Micah is sad.
Micah: I'm not! I'm not sad!
Me: Grey, you are not the boss of Micah's feelings, he can feel happy or sad without your consent.
Grey: Okay. And he feels sad.
Micah: I AM NOT SAD! I AM A HAPPY BOY!

Grey (looking in the mirror): Hey Mirror Boy. Oh no! Hey you, Mirror Boy! Give me back my Daddy!

Micah: Mom. I think monsters are coming.
Me: Oh! What should we do?
Micah: I'll protect you. I'll be bossy to the monsters.
Me: What will you tell the monsters to do?
Micah: To be sad.
Me: Good. Making them sad will probably work.
Micah: Yeah. But I really just need an ax.

Grey: Hey Travis.
Travis: Don't call me that. You need to call me...
Grey: Travis!
Travis: No. You need to call me Dad. Do you know what Mom's name is?
Micah: A mom.
Travis: No, you should call her Mom, but what's her other name?
Micah: A girl?

**Grey turns off the tv because Micah is not watching the movie he wanted**
Me: Grey you need to turn the tv back on, please. We picked this movie to watch.
Grey: NO!
Me: Grey, you can choose to be sad and leave the tv off, but you will go to timeout, or you can be a happy boy, and turn the tv on and come watch this movie with us.
**Grey turns the movie on**
Me: Thank you for choosing to be happy!
Grey: No. I not happy. I turning it on, and I staying sad.