Conversations with Three- Year Olds

The boys have started exclaiming, "That be funny!" after every story they tell, even if it was not funny.
If Grey fell and scraped his knee, if Micah "accidentally" hit August in the face with a sword, if a bug flew into our house and then out again - the boys tell the story and then cry, "That be funny, huh Mom?"

They're also currently obsessed with Halloween. They dress up in costumes (something unheard of), and play Trick or Treating (I found them collecting and giving each other cough drops in lieu of candy), and they CONSTANTLY discuss what they will be for Halloween. The current plan is for Micah to be Batman, August to be tiny Batman, for me to be Catwoman, and Grey to be either SpiderMan or Robin. He goes back and forth.
I actually suggested that I be Wonder Woman, but Micah insisted I be Catwoman, even though they know she's bad... Hmm...Maybe he's saying something?
The only shows or movies that they've ever seen with super heroes in them are The Incredibles, and an episode of Scooby-Doo in which Batman and Robin make an appearance. The rest of their superhero knowledge comes from a few comic books we found in cereal boxes, and pictures of superheros on all kid stuff ever.
Why do kids' water bottles and underwear have The Avengers on them? Three year olds are WAY too young to watch those shows! But my kids love all that dumb stuff.
I guess they're boys.

The boys have picked up an annoying new habit of telling me "Don't worry about it, Mom," when I try to scold or discipline them. I know it came from me, because if one of them is naughty, the other likes to harp on about why they're in trouble. They'll ask, "What did he do, Mom?" and I'll say, "Don't worry about it," or even, "Please mind your own business."
So I've heard that being thrown back at me. Yech. And Micah has even said shouted at me, "Don't tell me, Mom!" when I try to scold or correct him. (Many times.)
"Please get down off the table," I say.
"DON'T TELL ME, MOM!"
Um. What now? Are you ready for a beating, then? (Just kidding. I don't beat them. But seriously, that infuriates me!)

Me: Scoot down on to the lower step so I can take your picture.
Micah: I actually feel pretty worried about that.

Travis: We need to be kind to each other.
Grey: Because Jesus wants us to be not hitty

Me: Please don't touch the baby's face.
Micah: Don't worry about me.

Micah: Oh, August is awake!
Me: Well, make some happy faces at him.
Micah: No! Make a robot face at him.

Micah: Bye! Be good at work!

Me: Watch what I can do, Micah!
Micah: Hmm. Interesting.

Travis: Okay. I'm headed to work.
Micah: What are you going to learn about at work today?

Grey: Headphones are tools for music!

Me: Let's just leave Micah alone for a while.
Grey: But I need help building my castle! I don't want to build it with just one body, I want to do it with two-bodies!

Micah: Jose! Stop, Jose! No WAY, Jose!

Grey: Moms can't drive motorcycles. They don't even know how to TURN!

Me: Bye! I'm running to the store!
Micah: Make sure you come back!

Grey: My tent will blow up and we can fly in the sky with it!

Grey: You have to go to your house? In your fast car? My car can catch it up faster though!

Grey: You can sleep in my tent with me. It's not dark now, but it will be after noonsday.

Travis: Do you want to take off your pants? It's so hot!
Grey: No, I not want to. Either my shirt, either my shoes, either my underwear, either my penis, either my ankles.

Micah: Hey! If Grey comes over there, don't get him.
Josh: Okay.
Micah: Hey, Grey. Go sit over there. It's safe. They won't get you. No big deal.

Me: Would you like to have a neck beard?
Grey: A beard like Jesus?
Me: Kind of.
Grey: For a costume? To Halloween?
Me: Yes.
Grey: Hmmm. Yes. I do.

Micah: Let's keep you in there.
Grey: NO!
Micah: Don't come out or lions will EAT YOU.

Micah: I just talked to that old lady when she passed me!
Me: She wasn't old. She was my age.
Micah: You ARE old.

Me: Please stop trying to make Grey mad.
Micah: I'm not! I'm trying to make him happy! Grey, be happy! BE HAPPY, I SAY!

(Note: when they play superheroes, I encourage them to both be good guys- not bad guys. That usually makes ME the bad guy. So what else is new?)
Micah: Where's our Baby August?!
Grey: Oh no! Mom stole him!
Micah: I WILL BEAT HER UP FOR THAT!

Grey: Mom, let's go! With August, or without August. Choose now!

Grey: I want to be a Batman Pirate.
Me: Okay.
Grey: Make me that costume, now please.

Micah: Grey, you're the best!
Grey: Yes.
Micah: And I'm the best, too!